I’ve been having counselling for the last few weeks. It’s helping me come out of the meltdown I had in September (Meltdown Monday ). Offloading on an entire stranger who I know isn’t there to judge and who I don’t have to see on a daily basis has been enlightening. It’s allowed me to get things off my chest and out of my busy head that have, I now realise, been weighing me down for years. I knew this process would help but I’ve been blown away by what a profound effect it’s had on me. I’m coming to terms with why I am the way I am and it’s helping me to look at life in a different, more positive way.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard work. There have been lots of tears. I’ve learnt that I can swim quite well whilst sobbing into my goggles. I’ve even been left physically shaking after two sessions, unable to do anything more than sit quietly on the sofa for a while afterwards.
But, now on two occasions, I’ve taken the opportunity to stop off for a quick dip on my own on my way home. The first time was after a session that had left me in floods of tears again and I needed a release, something to shock me out of the depths of my own gloominess. Today was a celebration, the first session I’ve had where I’ve not reached for the tissue box, not felt empty or in shock or guilty afterwards.
Both have been entirely unplanned dips in whatever undies I’ve been wearing. Both have helped to clear my head, given me the rush of adrenaline and endorphins I so desperately need to help my mind process whatever I’ve talked about for the last hour. The magic of cold water again!