I snuck out today. Not for a swim, even I draw the line when the air temperature’s below zero, but for a walk.
When we first moved here all I wanted to do was head out for a walk in the hills on my own. Alas, I was heavily pregnant with a two year old in tow. I used to look longingly from my bedroom window just wanting to escape and immerse myself in fresh air, mud, rocks, trees, grass, hills, sky. We’d moved here so we could be near all this and I felt permanently frustrated that I couldn’t get out and be in it.
There was a time, in my darkest moments, when I thought I’d never get to enjoy our new place. It felt like I had small children permanently attached to me for a long time. It’s difficult, when you’re in the midst of rearing small children, to acknowledge that one day I would get that opportunity again. Even now the kids are bigger and they’re no longer permanently attached to my leg time still disappears. As most people do, I have endless lists of things to do. Some need to be done today, others longer term, but there’s always something on that list.
The last few weeks have been busy. I had my course, there were things I needed to catch up on having had a week out of normal life, and now I’m qualified, work have been throwing me a few extra shifts here and there. The weather’s been lousy too. Wet, windy and grey. Never inspiring to anyone.
This week however, the weather’s turned colder and this morning was beautiful. Cold, clear, crisp. I had my usual list of things to do today but it was such a beautiful day I decided to abandon them all and just clear off for a walk.
No guilt, no hesitation. I just did it. On my own. Boots, bag, coat, flask, camera. I didn’t see anyone at all for the first hour. The ground underfoot was hard and frozen and the sky was clear and blue above.
I was out for less than three hours and resumed normality by going to help the reception class walk down to their swimming lessons. Back into the chaos of small children. But today I took that time out just for me and that time to myself has given me a bit more oomph to get on with that list of things to do.